The Space Between Us
Directed by: Peter Chelsom
Written by: Allan Loeb - Story by Stewart Schill and Richard Barton Lewis & Allan Loeb
Starring: Asa Butterfield, Britt Robertson, Gary Oldman, Carla Gugino, BD Wong, Scott Takeda
Adventure/Drama/Romance - 121 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 3 Feb 2017
Written by: Allan Loeb - Story by Stewart Schill and Richard Barton Lewis & Allan Loeb
Starring: Asa Butterfield, Britt Robertson, Gary Oldman, Carla Gugino, BD Wong, Scott Takeda
Adventure/Drama/Romance - 121 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 3 Feb 2017
Here’s an idea, what if we took some interesting sci-fi setting like Mars, think Matt Damon struggling to survive using his wits and stamina, and exchange Damon for a 16 year-old kid who desperately wants to fly back to Earth to pursue an internet romance? Make sure to hire the director of Hannah Montana: The Movie and the writer who updated Wall Street into Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and you’ve got a deal. The ludicrous concept and jaw-dropping nightmare dialogue combine to form a movie which may make some laugh at its stupidity and others shake their heads in sheer confusion at how something as terrible as The Space Between Us accidentally seeped into theaters.
In an opening akin to Steve Jobs introducing a revolutionary gadget, a knock-off Elon Musk entrepreneur and space fanatic commands a stage celebrating the launch of an astronaut crew who will go and live and research on Mars. Nathaniel Shepherd (Gary Oldman, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) stirs up the crowd with all the possibilities and discoveries just waiting to be uncovered, but oops, the mission commander partied a bit too hard before she left and spends the voyage to Mars working her way through three trimesters. Out pops baby Gardner Elliot into the same baby blanket every hospital on Earth hands out, very convenient for one to be on Mars already, but he is automatically orphaned as mom does not survive Martian labor.
In an opening akin to Steve Jobs introducing a revolutionary gadget, a knock-off Elon Musk entrepreneur and space fanatic commands a stage celebrating the launch of an astronaut crew who will go and live and research on Mars. Nathaniel Shepherd (Gary Oldman, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) stirs up the crowd with all the possibilities and discoveries just waiting to be uncovered, but oops, the mission commander partied a bit too hard before she left and spends the voyage to Mars working her way through three trimesters. Out pops baby Gardner Elliot into the same baby blanket every hospital on Earth hands out, very convenient for one to be on Mars already, but he is automatically orphaned as mom does not survive Martian labor.
Jump ahead 16 years and Gardner (Asa Butterfield, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children) is feeling stir crazy. He’s got chicks on the brain but can’t do too much about it as his entire existence is classified and no civilians back on Earth know he exists. Kendra (Carla Gugino, San Andreas) functions as a sort of tutor and surrogate mom, but attempting to counsel and understand a moody teenager isolated in a confining laboratory on the red planet is about as fun as it sounds. So, Gardner schemes his way back toward the blue planet, but wouldn’t you know it, a lifetime in zero gravity means his heart is not strong enough for Earth’s gravity; but hey, what are teenaged hormones compared to the possibility of a painful death.
Gardner escapes the clutches of those evil doctors trying to keep him alive to find the geographically named Tulsa (Britt Robertson, A Dog's Purpose), an equally moody girl with the best movie name since Nicholas Cage was Memphis Raines in Gone in Sixty Seconds. Tulsa thinks Gardner is a pretty strange dude since he says he’s from Mars and is physically jolted when he sees things like horses, but hey, he’s there. The two rebels take off on a cross country joyride to try and unlock secrets from Gardner’s past while Gardner steadily learns the ropes of acting like a normal human being. He is a sort of human alien after all.
Gardner did not grow up in strict isolation. He had access to movies, TV, the internet, and a rotating squadron of astronauts to learn how Earthlings talked and behaved. Instead, Gardner is saddled with some of the worst lines ever written in the English language. Here’s my favorite, “You act like you hate the world Tulsa, that beautiful music you make gives you away.” Allan Loeb ladies and gentlemen! From the man who turned Kevin James into a mixed martial arts fighter in Here Comes the Boom, he transforms Asa Butterfield as Gardner into the worst imitation of Ender from Ender’s Game you could dream up.
STX Entertainment must have realized the gem they had on their hands when they kicked the release date from December to February. Director Peter Chelsom, who directed Serendipity back in 2001 - so we know he is in fact capable of making a decent romance, must have forgotten how to do it. It has been 15 years in between; must be a bit rusty. A buddy of mine who works in the space realm mentioned he was curious about The Space Between Us and I take this opportunity to warn all of you; this is not a movie to be taken seriously! You will leave the theater knowing less about space than you did walking into it and you might accidentally let a line eek out such as, “You make me human.” If only Rick would have something that to Ilsa, she might have stayed in Casablanca.
Comment Box is loading comments...
