The Secret Life of Pets
Directed by: Chris Renaud - Co-directed by Yarrow Cheney
Written by: Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio and Brian Lynch
Voices by: Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, Kevin Hart, Jenny Slate, Ellie Kemper, Albert Brooks, Lake Bell, Dana Carvey, Hannibal Buress, Bobby Moynihan, Steve Coogan, Michael Beattie
Animation/Comedy/Family - 90 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 7 July 2016
Written by: Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio and Brian Lynch
Voices by: Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, Kevin Hart, Jenny Slate, Ellie Kemper, Albert Brooks, Lake Bell, Dana Carvey, Hannibal Buress, Bobby Moynihan, Steve Coogan, Michael Beattie
Animation/Comedy/Family - 90 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 7 July 2016

I assume just about all children wonder about, or more likely, pepper their parents with questions about what their pets do all day while all the humans are at work and school. I posit pets work on their ultimate mission in life to fill my furniture with as much hair as possible, but Illumination Entertainment and Universal Pictures say they party, listen to loud music, and talk to one another about pet problems. The studios would have a winner on their hands if the story remained in the area of these silly get-togethers and side jokes, but The Secret Life of Pets harbors an unappealing mean streak. I almost made the film my kid’s first movie in a theater and thank goodness I didn’t; I want him to see an animated film full of laughs and a decent message, not intentionally cruel animals who wish to do one another harm.
Max (Louis C.K., American Hustle) knows he has it made with his owner Katie (Ellie Kemper, Laggies). They play at home, go on adventures around town, and he enjoys a relationship with his owner with no distractions. When Katie leaves in the morning, Max sits right at the front door waiting for hours to hear the keys jingle signaling her return. One day Katie does not come home alone, she brings in Duke (Eric Stonestreet, Bad Teacher), a big, shaggy mutt dog who maliciously dominates Max from minute one. He evicts Max from his comfy bed, eats all of his food, and will fast become hated enemy number one to every kid in the audience.
Max (Louis C.K., American Hustle) knows he has it made with his owner Katie (Ellie Kemper, Laggies). They play at home, go on adventures around town, and he enjoys a relationship with his owner with no distractions. When Katie leaves in the morning, Max sits right at the front door waiting for hours to hear the keys jingle signaling her return. One day Katie does not come home alone, she brings in Duke (Eric Stonestreet, Bad Teacher), a big, shaggy mutt dog who maliciously dominates Max from minute one. He evicts Max from his comfy bed, eats all of his food, and will fast become hated enemy number one to every kid in the audience.

Duke’s arrival is the catalyst where The Secret Life of Pets morphs from enjoyable fantasy about what our cats and dogs get up to while we’re out into an unpleasant get back home adventure some folks will describe as a roller coaster ride full of zany action scenes but is really no different than any other big day out in New York City story. Duke attempts to dognap and make Max lose his way in the city but ends up getting both of them lost, chased by the dog catchers, and roughed up by a pack of alley cats. The long adventure home full of jumps, fights, tunnels, and boats gives Max and Duke the chance to understand one another and reconcile, just like every other animated film ever made; however, I suspect the younger audience may not come around on Duke. He may shine in the end, but he is so nasty in the beginning during his first impression there is no way he’s getting out unscathed in the kid court of opinion.

Mirroring its most recent box office competition, Finding Dory, the most intriguing characters are frequently the supporting pets. Max’s apartment building pals form a search party, pick up a few stragglers on the way, and scour the city to find him. Led by Gidget (Jenny Slate, Zootopia), a toy dog in love with Max who fills her days with Spanish telenovelas, she organizes cats, dogs, guinea pigs, and even a vicious bird of prey all to find her true love again. There are long dog jokes with the dachshund, stupid dog jokes with the pug, really stupid jokes with the guinea pig, old dog jokes with the basset hound, and fat jokes with the cat.

Chloe the cat (Lake Bell, No Escape) has an eating disorder and the requisite aloofness toward the rest of the animal and human kingdoms neither caring about their problems nor truly willing to help them out that personifies her as the representative of all house cats. All cat owners are well aware of their pets’ disinterested faces and expectant looks and the filmmakers stuff Chloe full of any and all domesticated cat stereotypes. However, Chloe is just another passenger on the ride, the one who really sticks out is Tiberius the hawk (Albert Brooks, Finding Dory). Every instinct in Tiberius’s bones and feathers tell him to snatch up the little dogs and rodents and enjoy his lunch, but his overarching loneliness and want of friends holds him back. Tiberius spends his life on the roof in blindness because of the hood over his eyes. Most films about pets would make the hawk the villain, but writers Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio, and Brian Lynch make the most unlikely animal the arch antagonist.

Snowball (Kevin Hart, Central Intelligence) is the smallest, fluffiest bunny rabbit you’ve ever seen. Ruling over the Home of the Flushed Pets in the New York City sewer, Snowball runs an army of henchmen full of unwanted alligators, snakes, a pig, and a couple dozen other animals families thought would make good pets for a full day before flushing them down the drain. Fomenting an underground revolution to take revenge on all humans, Max and Duke run afoul of Snowball and spend most of the film evading capture and certain doom from the tiny bunny. Snowball prizes loyalty and some of his funniest bits are when he laments the death of Ricky the duck, a true gangsta, and later on Viper, a sewer pipe slithering reptile everybody will be relieved disappears.

The Illumination/Universal studios team is the same pair who brought us the first two Despicable Me movies and The Lorax. Director Chris Renaud and co-director Yarrow Cheney are Despicable Me vets as are all the writing staff. In case you somehow miss the minion connection, a short cartoon featuring the minions precedes the movie and a minion even makes sort of an appearance in the film. The message here is the studio reminds audiences if they liked the minions, then they will like the pets. The minions were never openly cruel to one another though. They also did not have strange LSD-level episodes like Max and Duke do when they gorge themselves in the sausage factory all to the music from Grease.

The Secret Life of Pets reminds us animals have feelings. We all assume they go to sleep and deal just fine with the 8-12 hour daily separation from their humans, but perhaps these pack animals do not care too much for that much alone time. The best parts of Pets is the very first and very last scenes; scenes featuring pets bringing joy to homes and families; it’s everything in between these bookends which guarantee a good portion of the audience will leave with sour tastes in their opinions. Also, the film is a win for those of us who never watch previews. All of the funniest parts are spoiled in the trailer, especially the best one with Leonard the posh poodle changing the song on the mp3 player to heavy metal and head-banging. There is no way I would have laughed as hard as I did if I had seen it 13 times before on commercials.
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