The Dark Tower
Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel
Written by: Akiva Goldsman & Jeff Pinkner and Anders Thomas Jensen & Nikolaj Arcel - Based on the novels by Stephen King
Starring: Tom Taylor, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Katheryn Winnick, Claudia Kim, Jackie Earle Haley, Abbey Lee, Dennis Haysbert, Nicholas Pauling, Michael Barbieri, José Zúñiga
Action/Adventure/Fantasy - 95 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 3 Aug 2017
Written by: Akiva Goldsman & Jeff Pinkner and Anders Thomas Jensen & Nikolaj Arcel - Based on the novels by Stephen King
Starring: Tom Taylor, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Katheryn Winnick, Claudia Kim, Jackie Earle Haley, Abbey Lee, Dennis Haysbert, Nicholas Pauling, Michael Barbieri, José Zúñiga
Action/Adventure/Fantasy - 95 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 3 Aug 2017
I have a hunch the new adaptation of Stephen King's Dark Tower series would not only receive far less attention if his name were not attached to the source material, but also the finished film would garner less praise than it will receive. For, there are Stephen King allusions spread throughout. Signs in shop windows and numbers winked at reference other King works and will provide an amusing game for knowledgeable acolytes. For the rest of us, The Dark Tower is a flippant summertime adventure romp complete with life and death consequences for the entire universe. Hollywood heavy-hitters adapted the screenplay, placed their trust in the vision of a still somewhat green director, and the result is forgettable.
Nobody forgets Carrie (1976). Not the remake, I’m talking about the 1970’s Sissy Spacek version. There are no portals between worlds in Carrie; in fact, most of it takes place in a small, suburban house and a hostile high school. Yet, its bloody images and themes flood back when you think about, “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” The Dark Tower takes place on both Earth and a place called Mid-World. Nothing distinguishes them from any other location. The most intriguing place, the eponymous tower, is striking and I wish we could go in there; alas, it’s just a prop.
Nobody forgets Carrie (1976). Not the remake, I’m talking about the 1970’s Sissy Spacek version. There are no portals between worlds in Carrie; in fact, most of it takes place in a small, suburban house and a hostile high school. Yet, its bloody images and themes flood back when you think about, “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” The Dark Tower takes place on both Earth and a place called Mid-World. Nothing distinguishes them from any other location. The most intriguing place, the eponymous tower, is striking and I wish we could go in there; alas, it’s just a prop.
A Dark Tower is what stands between our universe and evil monsters just outside of it trying their best to come inside and kill us all. The Gunslingers protect the tower. Why a tower saving everyone’s life needs protecting is odd. For there is an evil sorcerer out there, The Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey, Gold), who is trying very hard to destroy the tower and let in the life-ending monsters. The Man in Black’s name is Walter, not the standard most powerful being in the universe type of name, but I’ll play along. Does Walter know these monsters? Does he communicate with them? Is there a deal in place when he lets them in that they will leave him alone? I have no idea; the story ignores that part.
Being in the dark about Walter’s motivation leaves us with Roland, the last Gunslinger (Idris Elba, Star Trek Beyond). Roland protects the tower, keeps Walter somewhat in check, and commands respect wherever he goes all with a pair of six-shooters. Walter and Roland share a long history together, but all of that is casually mentioned with a splash of flashbacks to convince us that yes, Roland is it - the last one. He’s a hell of shot though. Possessed with super-hearing, a steady hand, and a knack for geometry, Roland can shoot bullets off of multiple facets before they impact their target and if he listens hard enough for you, you’d better hope he does not have a clear line of sight between his gun barrel and your cranium.
Walter employs hand magic. If you saw the Netflix series Jessica Jones, Walter has similar powers to Kilgrave. He can wave his hand in front of your face, say, “Stop breathing,” and you will. He can compel otherwise good people to fight Roland. He can’t take on the tower himself though; for that, he requires special, psychic children with a quality called ‘shine’. There is a lot of jargon in The Dark Tower which I am sure needs no defining for the already initiated, but for the common man, there are a textbook pile of unexplained terms and the most glaring omission, the graffiti “All Hail the Crimson King.”
Who the hell is The Crimson King. Is it Walter? Is it ubiquitous like “Kilroy was Here?” Dunno. Back to those shine children. Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor), who looks like he’s around 13 years old, is our main man and Jake has bad dreams. They are so vivid and feel so real to him though, he must draw them. There is a man in a black coat in front of a pyramid structure. There is another man with a revolver. Jake’s mom and deliberately off-putting step-father seek the counsel of mental health authorities, but Jake knows he must get out there and help save the universe. Hooking up with Roland in MId-World, the pair venture back to Earth to provide the audience with some nudge-nudge/wink-wink jokes about our culture.
At various times, Jake mocks our obsession with guns, our addiction to sugar, and the assortment of pharmaceutical-grade painkillers you can get your hands on. Roland thinks all of this is fascinating. Director Nikolaj Arcel, mostly known for directing the Oscar-nominated A Royal Affair (2012), and adapting the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009), has his hands full with material considered sacred by a large slice of the Stephen King fan club. The Dark Tower is not a strict adaptation of any of the nine novels in the series; apparently, it may take place outside of the main story. I don’t know; I’ve only read the first two books and that was too long ago to remember anything more than there was a Gunslinger chasing the Man in Black across a desert.
I assume Arcel had a healthy budget to work with considering Ron Howard’s name shows up as a producer, and the action scenes with Roland pumping lead into bad guys look impressive, but everything else is so mundane it borders on campy. For one, Mid-World is just like Earth. There is an abandoned amusement park and a tribe of people who live like Earthlings do in 'back to agrarian' post-apocalyptic societies. Mid-World also has a menacing pyramid thing that shoots laser beams at the Dark Tower when you strap some children into it. It’s all so uneven. I look forward to finding out if the King faithful applaud or scoff at The Dark Tower; I also need to find one to ask about that Crimson King guy.
At various times, Jake mocks our obsession with guns, our addiction to sugar, and the assortment of pharmaceutical-grade painkillers you can get your hands on. Roland thinks all of this is fascinating. Director Nikolaj Arcel, mostly known for directing the Oscar-nominated A Royal Affair (2012), and adapting the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009), has his hands full with material considered sacred by a large slice of the Stephen King fan club. The Dark Tower is not a strict adaptation of any of the nine novels in the series; apparently, it may take place outside of the main story. I don’t know; I’ve only read the first two books and that was too long ago to remember anything more than there was a Gunslinger chasing the Man in Black across a desert.
I assume Arcel had a healthy budget to work with considering Ron Howard’s name shows up as a producer, and the action scenes with Roland pumping lead into bad guys look impressive, but everything else is so mundane it borders on campy. For one, Mid-World is just like Earth. There is an abandoned amusement park and a tribe of people who live like Earthlings do in 'back to agrarian' post-apocalyptic societies. Mid-World also has a menacing pyramid thing that shoots laser beams at the Dark Tower when you strap some children into it. It’s all so uneven. I look forward to finding out if the King faithful applaud or scoff at The Dark Tower; I also need to find one to ask about that Crimson King guy.
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