Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Directed by: Joachim Rønning & Espen Sandberg
Written by: Jeff Nathanson
Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin McNally, Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Stephen Graham, Martin Klebba, Orlando Bloom, Paul McCartney
Action/Adventure/Fantasy - 129 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 23 May 2017
Written by: Jeff Nathanson
Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin McNally, Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Stephen Graham, Martin Klebba, Orlando Bloom, Paul McCartney
Action/Adventure/Fantasy - 129 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 23 May 2017
The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is as pure a cinematic example as any of the law of diminishing returns. I remember when the first installment came out in 2003, my friends went to see The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen instead because how could a movie based on a Disney theme park ride be any good? I believe time has now settled the matter. However, the four Pirate sequels never again hit the highs the first film reached. Now, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a thinly veiled remake of The Curse of the Black Pearl. The villains are cursed as undead, the good looking and earnest boy and girl must work together before they get together, and Jack Sparrow wobbles along as the comic and drunken slapstick hero.
In 2003, Orlando Bloom (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies) was Will Turner who later on tried to find his father on the Flying Dutchman. In 2017, Brenton Thwaites (Gods of Egypt) is Henry Turner, trying to find his father on the Flying Dutchman. The bad guys, a skeletal Spaniard crew led by Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem, The Gunman), are doomed as a result of a run-in with Jack Sparrow just as the Black Pearl’s crew were a skeletal crew cursed as a result of Jack Sparrow. The British Empire continues to make grand pronouncements of their dominion over the seas, a sense of mysticism permeates the atmosphere as the treasure everyone races toward is Poseidon’s lost trident, and the score is the same. They may have slapped a new name on it, but everyone has seen this business before.
In 2003, Orlando Bloom (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies) was Will Turner who later on tried to find his father on the Flying Dutchman. In 2017, Brenton Thwaites (Gods of Egypt) is Henry Turner, trying to find his father on the Flying Dutchman. The bad guys, a skeletal Spaniard crew led by Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem, The Gunman), are doomed as a result of a run-in with Jack Sparrow just as the Black Pearl’s crew were a skeletal crew cursed as a result of Jack Sparrow. The British Empire continues to make grand pronouncements of their dominion over the seas, a sense of mysticism permeates the atmosphere as the treasure everyone races toward is Poseidon’s lost trident, and the score is the same. They may have slapped a new name on it, but everyone has seen this business before.
We meet Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, Alice Through the Looking Glass) in an 18th century version of the Fast Five Rio de Janeiro safe heist. Instead of glossy muscle cars spiriting away a careening safe full of cash, Sparrow’s crew lug the whole bank through town via literal horsepower spilling the doubloons along the way. Bits of dialogue reveal five years have passed since the events in Episode 4: On Stranger Tides, and Jack, always one to find a bottle, appears to have advanced into an advanced alcoholic stage. He jettisons his magic compass in exchange for a bottle of whatever explaining his guilt away with this movie’s refrain, “A pirate’s life…”
The compass gets its feelings hurt and sets loose Jack’s worst nightmare, Captain Salazar and a ghostly crew aching for vengeance. Their ship must also be alive in death as the wooden decks are able to stretch, sprawl out, and devour other ships just as if it were eating them. Javier Bardem, perhaps the only actor not bored by the plot, gives the film’s best performance as a wheezing, double cane-sporting goth skeleton. He was wearing Spanish finery the day he was cursed, but now it’s all black and white face paint.
Back on land, young Henry Turner searches for Jack Sparrow because for whatever reason, he believes he knows where Poseidon’s trident is. What luck! A girl accused of witchcraft, Carina Smythe (Kaya Scodelario, Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials), is about to be hanged but is also looking for Poseidon’s trident. Do you ever find it odd that in these Pirate films, whatever trinket happens to be the goal of the film always turns up at least four or five people looking for it. What if someone seeking the trident showed up in Dead Man’s Chest where everyone was looking for Davy Jones’s Locker? Call it nitpicking if you want, but this formula is just silly.
Co-directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg knew full well Dead Men Tell No Tales could not survive on Trident hunting alone. The Pirates franchise promises quirk. Keith Richards popped up in Episode 3 so who could they get for this round? How about a Beatle? Ringo was busy that day so that should narrow it down for you. Rønning and Sandberg direct all of their films together and it’s a somewhat odd pair for Disney to pin their blockbuster hopes on. They brought you Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek as bank robbing Bandidas in 2006 and Thor Heyerdal’s Kon-Tiki cruise in 2012. They’re also rumored to return for a Pirates 6. There will always be another trinket to find and another villain Jack Sparrow upset in a past life, but the fan base out there clamoring for more Sparrow and company dwindles with every film. Dead Men Tell No Tales will certainly not bring any more into the fold.
Comment Box is loading comments...
