Machete Kills
Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Written by: Kyle Ward, story by Robert Rodriguez and Marcel Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demian Bichir, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Charlie Sheen, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Walter Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa Vega, Tom Savini, William Sadler
Action/Crime/Thriller - 107 min
Written by: Kyle Ward, story by Robert Rodriguez and Marcel Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demian Bichir, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Charlie Sheen, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Walter Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa Vega, Tom Savini, William Sadler
Action/Crime/Thriller - 107 min
Machete don’t tweet. Machete don’t joke. Machete kills. Three years after the Mexican who won’t die hit the screen in his first movie and six years after the phenomenal preview that launched it all, Machete is back and still learning that sometimes, the law and justice and two different things. Machete loves a good tag line.
The country and your President need your help Machete (Danny Trejo). President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen using his real name, Carlos Estevez) calls on the only guy who can prevent the nuclear annihilation of Washington D.C. An ex-Mexican cartel leader turned revolutionary, Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir), stole a nuclear weapon, transported it to somewhere in Mexico, and will launch it unless the United States agrees to invade Mexico and wipe out the drug cartels.
Killing Mendez would be too easy for Machete, he kills a couple of people before climbing out of bed in the morning. Mendez wired the weapon to his heart; therefore, if he dies, D.C. goes up in a mushroom cloud. Also, Mendez has a split personality and just put a $20 million bounty on both of their heads. Now every bounty hunter, cartel member, and two-bit Arizona sheriff are after Machete’s head. Machete don’t care about his plots making sense, he just wants a good challenge.
Chasing Machete is the world’s best assassin, El Chameleon (played by multiple movie stars including Cube Gooding Jr. and Lady Gaga in her first movie role), a hick, vigilante sheriff (William Sadler), and a very pissed off hooker (Sofia Vergara) with machine gun boobs and a strap-on gargantuan pistol located on her southern lady parts. Everybody wants a piece of Machete.
Even though this entire franchise is ridiculous, I have a soft spot for Machete. Robert Rodriguez gets the opportunity to make another film out of what sounds awesome over a half-rack of beer and a couple bar napkins. Unfortunately, the joke wears thin after the first half-hour or so and starts to plod. When the villain agonizingly goes step-by-step through his master plan, it does not make sense while he explains it nor does it make sense now that I’m thinking about it later. If Machete is just about a badass Mexican innovatively killing a bunch of bad guys, why take up so much time with garbled plot?
Machete will kill a man with spinning helicopter rotors, will kill men with an out of control outboard motor, and will every now and then split a guy in two with an actual machete. The cartoonish violence and mind-blowing executions are Machete’s bread and butter. However, as soon as Machete tries to figure out what is really going on or spouts some platitudes about justice, he goes stale and the movie slows to a crawl.
I understand Machete Kills is supposed to be a bad movie. It is a spoof of over-the-top Grindhouse ‘70s action flicks, but Rodriguez keeps hitting the same joke over and over again. When in doubt Mr. Rodriguez, just delete the dialogue and let Machete go slice and dice some more bad mama-jamas. It appears there will be a third Machete film in the future, Machete Kills Again…In Space, and hears hoping it lives up to how awesome the preview is. If it is like Machete Kills, it will be on the wrong side of boring.
The country and your President need your help Machete (Danny Trejo). President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen using his real name, Carlos Estevez) calls on the only guy who can prevent the nuclear annihilation of Washington D.C. An ex-Mexican cartel leader turned revolutionary, Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir), stole a nuclear weapon, transported it to somewhere in Mexico, and will launch it unless the United States agrees to invade Mexico and wipe out the drug cartels.
Killing Mendez would be too easy for Machete, he kills a couple of people before climbing out of bed in the morning. Mendez wired the weapon to his heart; therefore, if he dies, D.C. goes up in a mushroom cloud. Also, Mendez has a split personality and just put a $20 million bounty on both of their heads. Now every bounty hunter, cartel member, and two-bit Arizona sheriff are after Machete’s head. Machete don’t care about his plots making sense, he just wants a good challenge.
Chasing Machete is the world’s best assassin, El Chameleon (played by multiple movie stars including Cube Gooding Jr. and Lady Gaga in her first movie role), a hick, vigilante sheriff (William Sadler), and a very pissed off hooker (Sofia Vergara) with machine gun boobs and a strap-on gargantuan pistol located on her southern lady parts. Everybody wants a piece of Machete.
Even though this entire franchise is ridiculous, I have a soft spot for Machete. Robert Rodriguez gets the opportunity to make another film out of what sounds awesome over a half-rack of beer and a couple bar napkins. Unfortunately, the joke wears thin after the first half-hour or so and starts to plod. When the villain agonizingly goes step-by-step through his master plan, it does not make sense while he explains it nor does it make sense now that I’m thinking about it later. If Machete is just about a badass Mexican innovatively killing a bunch of bad guys, why take up so much time with garbled plot?
Machete will kill a man with spinning helicopter rotors, will kill men with an out of control outboard motor, and will every now and then split a guy in two with an actual machete. The cartoonish violence and mind-blowing executions are Machete’s bread and butter. However, as soon as Machete tries to figure out what is really going on or spouts some platitudes about justice, he goes stale and the movie slows to a crawl.
I understand Machete Kills is supposed to be a bad movie. It is a spoof of over-the-top Grindhouse ‘70s action flicks, but Rodriguez keeps hitting the same joke over and over again. When in doubt Mr. Rodriguez, just delete the dialogue and let Machete go slice and dice some more bad mama-jamas. It appears there will be a third Machete film in the future, Machete Kills Again…In Space, and hears hoping it lives up to how awesome the preview is. If it is like Machete Kills, it will be on the wrong side of boring.
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