Bad Santa 2
Directed by: Mark Waters
Written by: Johnny Rosenthal and Shauna Cross
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates, Tony Cox, Christina Hendricks, Brett Kelly, Ryan Hansen, Jenny Zigrino, Jeff Skowron, Octavia Spencer
Comedy/Crime/Drama - 92 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 22 Nov 2016
Written by: Johnny Rosenthal and Shauna Cross
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates, Tony Cox, Christina Hendricks, Brett Kelly, Ryan Hansen, Jenny Zigrino, Jeff Skowron, Octavia Spencer
Comedy/Crime/Drama - 92 min Reviewed by Charlie Juhl on 22 Nov 2016
This is why we can’t have nice things. In 2003, Bad Santa came out of nowhere to become one of the funniest and most talked comedies of the entire decade. It’s jaw-dropping language, sharp, penetrating insults, and willingness to besmirch one of our culture’s most cherished institutions earned Bad Santa legions of admirers. However, name it Bad Santa 2 all you want, this thing is not a sequel; it’s a remake. The jokes are the same, the plot is the same, and it feels like a knock-off in Santa suit clothing. It’s the Malt-O-Meal cereal on the bottom shelf, it’s the generic pills, it’s whatever Diet Rite soda claims to be; it’s not Bad Santa.
Billy Bob Thornton (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot) returns as Willie and he picks right back up where he left off. After a quick update to fill us in on how his life remains shit since we last saw him 13 years ago, he still has the thousand mile stare of hate and disgust. Plus, the whole gang is back together; well, those still alive. Octavia Spencer (Allegiant) reprises her role as the apartment complex hooker; you may have forgotten she won an Oscar between the last film and this one. Brett Kelly as Thurman Merman shows up looking exactly the same expecting pure goodness and sunshine from Willie. Tony Cox (Oz the Great and Powerful) as Marcus, Willie’s little person sidekick pops up to kick off the plot and enlist Willie in another heist.
Billy Bob Thornton (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot) returns as Willie and he picks right back up where he left off. After a quick update to fill us in on how his life remains shit since we last saw him 13 years ago, he still has the thousand mile stare of hate and disgust. Plus, the whole gang is back together; well, those still alive. Octavia Spencer (Allegiant) reprises her role as the apartment complex hooker; you may have forgotten she won an Oscar between the last film and this one. Brett Kelly as Thurman Merman shows up looking exactly the same expecting pure goodness and sunshine from Willie. Tony Cox (Oz the Great and Powerful) as Marcus, Willie’s little person sidekick pops up to kick off the plot and enlist Willie in another heist.
Replacing Bernie Mac is Kathy Bates (The Boss) playing Willie’s mom, Sunny. This ‘lady’ is a horror show. She had Willie at 13 in juvie, made him take the rap for her crime when he was 11, and we may even celebrate Willie for turning out as well as he did considering the creature who raised him. The Santa robbery ruse was born from this family. Willie was the elf and Sunny was Mrs. Claus during his formative years. Now, Sunny masterminds the plan to steal $2 million from the Giving City charity during Christmas with Willie, Sunny, and Marcus in on the heist. Christina Hendricks (Zoolander 2) replaces Lauren Graham as Willie’s filthy sex partner and also runs the charity with her sleazy, adulterous husband (Ryan Hansen, Central Intelligence). John Ritter also left us since the last time and is not replaced one for one, but with a couple one-lining, thin as paper security guards.
Director Mark Waters is no stranger to remakes with 2003’s Freaky Friday. He also wasted a Matthew McConaughey performance in 2009’s Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and tried and failed to squeeze more juice out of teenaged vampires in 2014’s Vampire Academy. Of course someone with this resumé would re-do Bad Santa and tack a ‘2’ on the title. Co-writers Johnny Rosenthal and Shauna Cross recreate the exact same plot gimmick and even plagiarize some of the original material with a retread “Fuck me Santa” scene and a Billy Bob explosion that he’s “trying to fucking eat here!” I will give the writers one thumbs up though, Willie gets a speech about the real reason behind Christmas and tells the story of the Ejaculate Conception; that is gold.
Realize there are two actors here with Academy Awards trapped in this awful material. Thornton probably felt pride in his character and wanted the easy money but Kathy Bates? The filmmakers set Bates up to introduce familial complexity; a mother-son dynamic with old wounds picked apart and the possibility of new scars to make. They could have done a plug-n-play with any character archetype here but they chose to go the Meet the Fockers route and bring in parents instead of a sibling, long lost friend, or random scumbag.
They pulled poor Thurman Merman Brett Kelly, who retired from acting, away from just graduating University with a Business degree and made him gain 50 pounds for this role. Thurman makes sandwiches professionally now, a career path we could see coming, and he hops on a bus from warm Arizona to snowy Chicago following Willie because nobody should spend Christmas alone. Step back and notice both Bad Santas are actually pro-Christmas films covered in used condom wrapping. The message is not urging you to hate Christmas nor mocks the holiday; they conclude with the asshole alcoholic version of redemption and the promise of a new hungover day.
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